I bought this plant from Lidl. It outgrew its first pot so I asked granny if she had anything bigger – we got this cute wee number.
I would not say im a big plant guy or that i tend to them regularly but I care that it has a lot of growth and has been doing really well recently.
It is crammed into this wee pot, trying its best to sprout new life and then eventually dying because it hasnt got room to grow.
I keep looking at it thinking – it needs a new pot – one that it can grow into.
Opening this gym has been a cause for a lot of reflection.
Is this the right move? Who do i think I am to be doing this? Can you even do this? You should just play it safe. Your in over your head. etc etc.
It has been endless, but anxiety shows up when your avoiding something.
This gym will be an extension of me. What I stand for, in terms of training principles, ethos, atmosphere, how people feel, what they say about the space will all be on me.
If I am not aware of what they are in me, how can i expect anyone to walk through that door and be given an amazing experience of what i truly believe in, if i do not even know what I believe – if that makes sense.
So I have been doing A LOT of questioning of what I belive about myself at this point in time.
In therapy, this has come up in the past but I have never had the need to move past them – because the life it was keeping me stuck in was a familiar fine.
It was fine. It was comfy, I had what i needed and I could justify things to the end that it had served me well.
So undertaking this has made me grow up.
Not in the sense that I wont go play and be silly and enjoy riding my bike and do fun stuff that fills me with true joy.
But in the sense that everything in this stops with me and the belief system I have built around myself.
If i continue to think i am a wee guy, becasue that is what i was told when I was growing up, then I am going to stay a fucking wee guy.
Wee guy encompasses so much for me in that single phrase. It is growing up underdeveloped and smaller than most and all the things that stem from that. It is literally playing it small.
That wee guy is awesome – he managed so much, he worked so hard, he really had to build a strong work ethic that has served him so well. BUT that wee guy is not who I am today.
I run far, i lift heavy, I start cool projects, I put myself out there and yet I still think of myself as a wee guy.
I have so much evidence against this claim but I allow myself to be pulled down to that claim – when the big things show up.
Comparing myself to others – saying I am not them or have there gifts, listenign to the ego that wants me to play it safe and be stuck and ultimatley not trusting in what the world has planned for me..
And yes okay I have done the things but the internal dialogue is the things that was keeping me stuck and is the thing that is slowly changing.
I need a new pot.
I need one big enough to allow me to grow but also not so big that I lose my sense of self.
I am sure I will out grow this pot as well.
But moving pot, expanding your belief system and rebuilding your identity based on your current truths is exciting and equal parts terrifying, as the work required is immense but going to be super rewarding.
I released my book and its available for purchase.
It does touch on these ideas but as I’m developing as a person it maybe doesn’t go deep enough on the power of love.
It is somethig I want to explore and choose in my own life and use it for all the greatness it can offer – like breaking world records and doing it with joy in abudence.
